It's that time of year

quote of the week
19 - 23 december 2005


And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags! And he puzzled three hours, 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more! ~
-Dr. Seuss

a heidi moment

I am so tired that I have that thudding behind the eyebrow kind of headache. So I stop, even though I’m barely on time, to get a coffee (tall peppermint soy mocha, no whip, but not decaf today). I get to the office, where a Christmas card and candy cane are waiting on my desk. I take a swig. It is only warmish, and certainly not the best I’ve ever had. I look around, using my McGyver-esque skills to attempt to make it palatable, and realize that some candy cane pieces will do the job nicely. So I break off three chunks, drop them in, and swirl. Noticing that the end of the cane was uneven, I nibble at the end of it. It is WATERMELON flavored. A normal looking, red and white candy cane that tastes like a poor imitation of a watermelon. Yuck. Needless to say, I promptly remove the offending chunks, and chug the rest of it to make it go away. The good news is that it didn’t make my stomach hurt like usual.

I decided this morning that I was going to be pleasant and happy if it killed me. So I have my plastic smile on. And it's strange, because I am not unhappy. I have absolutely no reason to be out of sorts, I can only surmise that the lack of mental stimulation is making my brain crazy, and that in order for me to get back to normal, I need to spend as little time as humanly possible in this building. And in the mean time, I will put on my plastic smile, and no one will notice that it's not real. I have never been able to hide my feelings well, and attempting to do so is giving me a stomach ache. I hate feeling so fake.

Being pleasant and ignorable is all one really wants in a receptionist anyway, right? If she keeps the office together doesn't make a stink, and acts like there is nothing else in the world she would rather be doing, (oh, and let's not forget the all-important small talk about the weather) she's performing at the peak of her potential. Heaven forbid wanting a creative outlet or a bit of a challenge. If I can't smile while opening mail and answering ridiculous phone calls, there must be something wrong with me.

So plastic it is. Although I am thinking that bronze might be a more attractive and longer lasting alternative.

preconceived notions

You know how it is when you talk to someone on the phone a lot, and you get this picture of them in your head? For me, it’s never a clear, well-defined image; it’s rather hazy. And then when I meet that person, I am often shocked by how different they are from the haze in my head. The dispatcher at our messenger service came to do a pickup this morning, and I had to disguise my surprise. He was much shorter, rounder, and greyer than I had envisioned. He actually reminded me of one of my mom’s exes. All in all, one of those “hmm” moments in life.

quote of the week

17 - 21 october 2005

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love.

The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation.

To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

-- Anne Morriss, Boston MA

why

why is it that when all i want is to live a simple life - home, love, knitting, baking, family - i find myself with two jobs, exhausted, precious little personal time, and still broke? yes, i have chosen this path for the moment, but how did i end up here? is life so expensive that even though i have a "real job" and i live fairly frugally, i must still have two jobs? and then i read about the horrific events in the world and realize that my life, though stressful, is a walk on easy street. there are many people who would gladly trade their life situation for mine, and i wonder how i am so selfish as to think that being tired can compare to losing your home, job, or family?

Cake Day

Cake Day (kaek dae) n. 1. The second Wednesday of every month, observed within the Murray Franklyn Family of Companies to honor those who celebrate a birthday or company anniversary during that month. Three employees are selected to bring a tasty baked good to share with the office. There are approximately ten minutes of “chit chat” and “small talk”, during which people eat (generally) mediocre store bought baked goods before returning to their respective cubicles. 2. An archaic ritual in which people eat food they do not need to eat, and which is only wanted and found necessary by a small, but very vocal, minority.